Last New Year’s Eve I wrote a post called Looking Backwards, Moving Forwards where I did one of those interview-style round ups of my experiences of 2015. I’d intended it to be a yearly feature but as I came to write this years post I had to stop. A lot of the answers would be the same as last years (where was I for New Year, how did I make my money, did I move anywhere) and answers to the other questions are all a bit too sad and maudlin.
All my holidays this year were disasters, I lost friends to suicide and ill health, my birthday was a bust, my job (day job not porn job!) was really full-on and stressful the entire year, and there were very few highlights.
This isn’t a pity post though – I’m using the opportunity to share some exciting news instead.
Things reached a tipping point around July/August where I knew something needed to give. My hours at work have always been crazy and shift work means I’m tired a lot of the time. My social life in London suffers as a result and the friends I do try and make all turn out to be a bit flakey when I really need them. So – I decided a change of scenery is whats needed. The company I work for have this great benefit where you can take up to twelve months off work (unpaid) and your job stays safe, after the time is over you come back, pick up your salary and pension – it’s like pressing ‘pause’ on your career with the guarantee it will still be there waiting for you.
So – in March, I am moving to Berlin for a year!
I need to get out of London – there’s a lot of memories here and a lot of them are tinged with sadness. I need a clean slate, some regular hours, and the space to clear my head and resolve a few issues I’ve avoided dealing with. There’s also the issue of Brexit – if I don’t do this now, in a couple of years it will be very difficult – I’d need a visa, a job to go to etc…
I’m intending to simply get a bar job, or work in a coffee shop – something easy and low-responsibility, with regular hours that I can socialise around… find a better work/life balance, rediscover some of the joys I’ve been missing lately. Plus of course Berlin is a brilliant place to make more porn – I’m intending to step up and shoot a lot more often.
2016 has been a real stinker of a year all round – celebrity deaths (this week where we lost George Michael, Carrie Fisher and then in the most tragic twist, Debbie Reynolds is a good example)… terror attacks such as the Orlando nightclub shooting, the truck attacks in Nice and Berlin, the bombing of Brussels airport… huge political shifts (Brexit and Trump) that we can’t even begin to predict the effects of… not to mention all the personal stuff… I don’t know anyone who says that they’ve had a good year.
So looking backwards, 2016 is finally over. We made it… more or less. Moving forwards – well, that’s just it – 2017 is all about moving for me; a new country and city, new adventures, new challenges, new friends… I have two months left at work then it’s all change.
I just watched the New Year fireworks display from the window of my flat in South London for the third and final time… whatever the future holds, this feels like the end of a chapter of my life. Ich kann nicht warten um zu sehen was das neue Jahr bringen wird!