I first went to Berlin during the Easter weekend of 2008.
For those who don’t know, Easter weekend is when the Berlin Leder und Fetish e.V. is held (BLF for short) and it is THE biggest fetish party in Europe.
I went with my good friend Paul, who I’d met the year previously at London fetish club Hard On, after he suggested going together so he could be my guide (he’d been many times before).
I had the best weekend of my life there, the highlight being the Snax party on Saturday night, as evidenced by a blog post I wrote on a blog I used to write back then.
Seriously, wow. You know when people say something is ‘mind-blowing’? And you think to yourself ‘Yeah yeah whatever, I’m *sure* it was, of course.’
The Snax party last night at the Berghain and Laboratory was more than mind-blowing, it was fucking incredible. London will never seem the same again after that.
I was there for ten hours that night, and never experienced anything like it. At one point Paul dragged me up on to a podium at the side of the main dance floor in Berghain and turned me around to take in the sight of at least a thousand men in leather and rubber packed nose to cheek as far as I could see. Elsewhere below me in the corridors, tunnels and labyrinth backroom basement of Lab.oratory were thousands more men cruising, fucking and fisting the night away.
There’s a great article about Berghain on the Rolling Stone website which you can read here – it gives an idea of the building, the music, and the very German attitude to sex.
The following year I went for Easter in Berlin again, this time taking my boyfriend at the time Adam, and acting all cool and experienced as he stumbled around in awe at the whole thing. By now I knew my way around, knew a few people, and knew the best places to go for the hottest fun.
In 2010 I went again, this time alone (and single) and had another fantastic time, catching up with loads of friends and familiar faces, hooking up with lots of guys, even finding time to do a bit of the tourist thing and visit Berlin Zoo. By now it was firmly set in my heart as the unmissable highlight of the year. I used to joke that my favourite annual holiday was my Easter pilgrimage to Berlin so I could get on my knees, scream ‘Oh God! (Fuck yeah!)’ and be thankful for all I received.
In 2011 I made plans to go with three friends (two of whom were a couple) but a couple of months before Easter I met and fell in love with a guy and wasn’t sure how things would play out as he wasn’t able to come with us… but he told me to go and enjoy myself as it had been booked for a while. When we got there though, the two guys who were a couple (and my best friends) began the mother of all arguments which lasted the entire five days we were there, putting me slap bang in the middle of their fights and just making me homesick for my boyfriend. Instead of the weekend I’d imagined, all going wild and fucking everything in sight, it became about refereeing their relationship and not having much sex at all.
I couldn’t go in 2012 because work commitments held me in the UK over the Easter weekend, and I didn’t go in 2013 because the boyfriend (at that point my fiancé as he’d proposed six months in to our relationship) and I had not long been to New York and couldn’t afford it. My heart ached for my Berlin Easters, nothing else came close to the freedom and fun of those Snax nights.
I broke up with the fiance – who as it turns out was a sociopathic liar, cheater, and heartless monster which I never saw coming – at the start of 2014 although I’d actually booked flights and accommodation for us to go to Berlin together that Easter. Instead, I decided to take my friend Sam who had been an invaluable help during my breakup, helping me move out and in to my new place, filling my lonely nights with laughter and company.
Sam wasn’t working so I told him the cost was all covered (it actually cost me a couple hundred extra to change the name on the plane tickets and buy club tickets etc). Sadly when we got there though Sam turned out to be quite high-maintenance the entire weekend and on the Saturday night when we should have been getting ready for Snax, he was throwing his guts up with food poisoning and in no state to be left alone. By the end of the weekend he’d managed to thoroughly insult me and spoil the whole thing – and not even a ‘thank you’ for the free holiday.
You’d think my luck would have changed last year but no – sadly work commitments got in the way again and we were all banned from taking annual leave over the Easter period in the run up to the General Election. I was devastated. My life had changed so drastically in the years since I first visited Berlin – friends had disappeared, my fiancé had crushed my heart and soul, even my hopeful return had been crushed by the company I had taken with me…
But that brings us to now. 2016. Eight years since my first visit. Five years since the last time I was able to truly enjoy the experience without other people’s drama ruining things.
My plane tickets were booked a few months ago. At the weekend I finally nailed down some accommodation (leaving it late to book for Easter is always a huge mistake as the place fills up months in advance but I kept putting it off whilst I looked for an apartment to rent, finally giving up and booking in to the Ibis instead)
It’s a month to what I’m affectionally calling ‘B-Day’ – I fly out on Thursday 24th March for a gloriously long weekend before coming back on the Tuesday. I’ve got plans to see friends, I’ve got plans for clubs and hookups, and I’ve got plans to produce and shoot some porn scenes for RawandRough. I’m going alone, so it can’t be spoilt by inconsiderate friends, and I’m single. After the last couple of years, I can’t wait for Berlin to do what it does best, and make me believe in the magic again.